Learning When To Walk Away
Have you ever been in a relationship that you knew needed to change? Have you ever wanted to walk away or knew you needed to walk away, but you didn’t know how? I have. I’ve been on that merry-go-round. I know how hard it is to get off.
I want to tell you a story – a personal story – to share with you what I had to learn about myself in order to walk away, how I knew it was time, what I lost and what I gained by walking away.
Not that long ago, I was in a situation that I knew I needed to change but everything I tried – failed. For six years, I did everything I could to save an unhealthy relationship. Six long years filled with lies, arguments, hate, drugs, and deceit. If you’re wondering why – let me explain.
At the end of our first rocky year, I found out I was pregnant. At that time, the father and I were not even together. Because of his lies, drugs and deceit, I’d called it quits with him but those two little purple lines changed everything in my eyes. Since I was raised with both my parents in one unit, having what I considered to be a “whole” family for my son was important enough to me that I was willing to sacrifice anything to make that happen. Now, even though, the father and I weren’t married, I believed that I owed it to my son to do everything in my power to work it out with his father. I spent most of the next several years in a deep depression because I wouldn’t let go of something God had already shown me time and time again was not the path He wanted for me.
What did I have to learn about myself?
I learned a lot about myself over those six years, but the biggest lesson was that – I was stronger than I realized and I’m here to tell you, so are you.
You are much stronger than you realize and no matter what your struggle is right now – God will find a way to bring you through it. All you have to do is be quiet and listen. Prayer is not meant to be a one-sided conversation and just like in life – you should be listening more than you are talking.
I had to learn that as long as I kept my eyes focused on God – we would be okay. While my desire to make the relationship work was originally for my son – at some point along the way, I lost faith in myself and in God which made me doubt my own abilities to raise my son by myself. Facing the task of raising a child by yourself is daunting to say the least but raising a child in a miserable home is a far worse punishment to place on an innocent child.
How did I know it was time to walk away?
I’d love to tell you that a timer went off or a buzzer sounded yet, that’s not the way life works. What started it for me was when my son’s father got physical with me. A man who would ever put his hands on a woman in that way is not a man in the eyes of God.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
Ephesians 5:25
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
1 John 4:18
But even then, I was stubborn and hadn’t learned how to listen to God yet so I agreed when my son’s father begged me to try one counseling session with him. What’s ironic is that I’d begged him to go to counseling for years before this incident and he’d refused. So we went to our first counseling session and within minutes, the counselor had brought me to an epiphany.
The counselor asked us to voice our problems and struggles in the relationship which of course, I had plenty. When I was done telling her our struggles, she looked straight at me and said –
“You will never change him. The only person you can change is yourself. He is who he is and you either accept him as he is or you need to walk away.”
You could have knocked me over with a feather.
Although that was by no means the first time I’d heard that same statement, it was the first time that I truly got it. I looked at him and saw our relationship in a whole new light and I knew one thing for certain – I could never accept him as he was. I knew that I was a child of God and that I desired and deserved a man of God who would love, respect, honor and cherish me always – not just sometimes. A man who I could lift up and who would inspire me to be a Proverbs 31 wife. That wasn’t what I saw sitting on the couch across from me so – I thanked the counselor for her time and I got up and I left with more peace in my heart than I’d had in years. I haven’t looked back since.
What did I lose by leaving?
I lost my belief that I needed another person to survive. I lost my anger and frustrations. I lost the stress of being with someone you cannot trust. I lost the constant distractions from taking care of my son. I lost the heavy weight on my shoulders that I’d carried for so long.
What did I gain by leaving?
I gained self-confidence again. I gained peaceful sleep. I gained the knowledge that in life there are two kinds of people – those that lift you up and those that bring you down. I gained the clarity of which kind of person I want to surround myself with.
While I’m not going to tell you that everything was perfect, I will tell you that everything was better. It wasn’t easy and we had some hard times but, breaking those bonds allowed my to find my man of God who inspires me every day to be a Proverbs 31 wife.
If you’re living your life in fear with a man you cannot trust, ask yourself this question – are you living the life that God has called you to? Love yourself the way that God loves you.
Wishing you much peace, success and love,
Bridget
XOXOXOXO